Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Holt’s One-Liners: A Bold Personality (Mashup)

[triumphant music] You know me. I see a pair of thick,
weighty breasts, and all logic flies
out the window. Let’s unleash hell. Am I just a piece
of meat to you? Yes. Now put on a smile, porkchop. I will slit you both
open from mouth to anus and wear you like jackets. You really made
the balloon arch. Made? No. I birthed her. It’s time to make daddy proud. Yes, sir. I could not have been more
clearly talking to the dog. A bold personality? We know what that’s code for. She’s a bitch. The night shift stinks. Stinks like a butt. The kid, Anne– who
should we him up with, huh? Oh, now, you know I’m still
getting over the tragic loss of my wife. She was such a
strong, female woman, with nice, heavy breasts. D-d-d-d-d-Derek. D-d-d-d-d-Derek! Boost my bottom! I’m boosting! Boost my bottom! I’m boosting! Boost it! John Philip Sousa,
the Scrillex of his day. Bone! What happens in my
bedroom, detective, is none of your business. Bone! Hello, Sexerella. Oh, I’m fully freaking out. I just experimented with an
unfamiliar acronym in public. BRB. What does it even mean?
– Be right back. That has the same number
of syllables as the acronym. What’s the point? I’ve never been more proud of
you for anything in your life. I mean– I’ve solved a lot
of cases for you. And yet crime has continued. I don’t care for cheese. I’m a “curd-mudgeon.” [laughter]

100 thoughts on “Brooklyn Nine-Nine – Holt’s One-Liners: A Bold Personality (Mashup)

  1. I love all these, but my favorite is him and Rosa working out how to break up with someone (besides him reading off the entire url, which is so funny):

    Holt: That makes me feel sad. I am SAD.
    Rosa: Your sadness is noted.
    Holt: I feel acknowledged. Thank you for breaking up with me. It will take me 8 minutes to collect my belongings.

    The entire thing is comedy gold (and it makes me SAD that whenever I want to use it, no one knows what I'm talking about), but the randomness of 8 minutes is just fricking genius.

  2. my favorite is when he yells 'VINDICATIOOOOOOOON' at the end of an episode I'm very upset it wasn't on here

  3. “Yes Kevin a full half inch it was hilarious, I’ll tell you the rest when I get home, yes I love you to.”

  4. Captain Raymond Holt is over hear playing 4D chess in the comedy genre while everyone else is playing checkers. I don't know how they managed to mix genuinely hilarious humor, the stone cold stoicism of a literal slab of marble and the dramatic flair of every actor who's ever played a major character in Shakespeare's Hamlet, but they did it.

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