Ellen’s in Bruno Mars’ Ear
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– SO BRUNO MARS IS IN
HIS DRESSING ROOM RIGHT NOW WAITING FOR A NURSE
THAT WE HAVE. WE HAVE HIDDEN CAMERAS
IN HIS DRESSING ROOM. HE HAS AN EARPIECE. HE’S GOT TO SAY WHATEVER I TELL
HIM TO SAY TO THE NURSE, AND, BRUNO, WHEN SHE COMES IN, JUST–FIRST THING,
JUST WHEN SHE COMES IN, JUST SAY, “THANKS FOR COMING,” AND “DO YOU MIND TAKING
YOUR SHOES OFF?” THAT’S THE FIRST THING. – GOT IT.
– OKAY. [knocking] – COME IN. HI, HOW ARE YOU? COULD YOU TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF,
PLEASE? – WHAT?
– THAT’S A NO– – NO-SHOE ZONE.
– NO-SHOE ZONE. – OH, I’M SORRY.
– DO YOU MIND? – AS A NURSE,
I NEED TO KEEP MY SHOES ON. – DO YOU MIND? – I’M SORRY? – I’M SORRY?
WHAT? – AS A NURSE,
I NEED TO KEEP MY SHOES ON. – OH, THAT’S RIGHT.
YOU’RE A NURSE. – OH, THAT’S RIGHT.
YOU’RE A NURSE. – OKAY.
– OKAY. – OKAY, I’M BRUNO. – I’M BRUNO. – NICE TO MEET YOU.
– NICE TO MEET YOU. – WELL, ACTUALLY,
WHEN I’M NOT ONSTAGE, MY NAME IS RAMON. – WELL, ACTUALLY,
WHEN I’M NOT ONSTAGE, MY NAME IS RAMON. – OH. – YOU CAN CALL ME RAMON. – BUT YOU–
SO YOU CAN CALL ME RAMON. – RAMON?
– YES. – OKAY. – OKAY, AND YOUR NAME IS?
– AND YOUR NAME IS? – MY NAME IS DEBORAH.
– DEBORAH. – DEBORAH.
– TELL ME ABOUT YOUR TRAINING. HOW MUCH TRAINING DO YOU HAVE? – CAN YOU TELL ME
ABOUT YOUR TRAINING? – OKAY. – HOW MUCH TRAINING HAVE YOU
HAD? – WELL, PRETTY MUCH,
I WENT TO SCHOOL– IT’S ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF. – MM.
– MM. – I’M LICENSED BY THE STATE
OF CALIFORNIA. – OKAY.
– OKAY, YOU SEEM NICE. – YOU SEEM NICE.
– OH, THANK YOU. – SO JUST THE ONE NURSE
THEY SENT, RIGHT? – JUST THE ONE NURSE THEY SENT? – YES.
– OKAY, THAT’S GOOD. – OKAY, THAT’S GOOD. – I’M FEELING
SOMETHING IN MY THROAT, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS. – WAS I SUPPOSED TO ASSESS YOU? – YEAH, I’M FEELING
SOMETHING IN MY THROAT, AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS. – OKAY. – I JUST DON’T WANT YOU TO TOUCH
ME, THOUGH. – I JUST DON’T WANT YOU
TO TOUCH ME, THOUGH. – OH.
THAT’S FINE. – OKAY.
– OKAY, UM… ARE YOU ABLE TO SWALLOW OKAY? – NO, I HAVE NOT SWALLOWED
SINCE THE SUPER BOWL. – NO, I HAVEN’T–I HAVEN’T
SWALLOWED SINCE THE SUPER BOWL. – IT’S LIKE A–I HAVE, LIKE, A
CHIP IN MY MOUTH OR SOMETHING. – LAST WEEK, OR? – IT’S LIKE I HAVE A CHIP
IN MY MOUTH OR SOMETHING. – I HAD A CHIP DURING HALFTIME. I HAD A–EITHER A CHEX MIX, OR– – I HAD A CHIP DURING HALFTIME.
– OH, YEAH. – IT WAS EITHER CHEX MIX… – OR A DORITO.
– OR DORITO… – OR A FRITO.
– FRITO. – PRINGLE.
– OKAY. – PRINGLE.
– IT WAS NOT A PRINGLE. I WAS WANTING A PRINGLE,
BUT THEY DID NOT– – I WAS WANTING A PRINGLE,
IT WASN’T A PRINGLE, ACTUALLY. – THEY DID NOT GIVE ME PRINGLES,
AND I’D ASKED FOR THAT. – THEY DIDN’T GIVE ME PRINGLES.
I ASKED FOR PRINGLES. – NO PRINGLES
IN MY DRESSING ROOM. – THERE WAS NO PRINGLES
IN MY DRESSING ROOM. – WHY DO PRINGLES COME
IN A TENNIS BALL– – WHY DO PRINGLES COME
IN TENNIS BALL CANS? – LIKE, WHY DO THEY DO THAT,
DO YOU THINK? – WHY DO YOU THINK THEY DO THAT? – PROBABLY BECAUSE THE SHAPE
OF IT. – OH, YOU’RE RIGHT,
YOU’RE RIGHT. YOU’RE RIGHT.
– YOU’RE RIGHT. YOU’RE RIGHT.
– YOU’RE RIGHT, THE SHAPE. – OKAY, THIS HAPPENED ONCE
BEFORE WHEN I WAS IN CANADA. – THIS HAPPENED ONCE BEFORE
WHEN I WAS IN CANADA. – IT’S A FUNNY STORY, ACTUALLY. – IT’S A FUNNY STORY,
ACTUALLY. [audience laughter] – ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS, THEN? – OH, I WAS JUST THINKING IT
TO MYSELF. – NO, I WAS JUST THINKING IT
TO MYSELF. – OH, GOT IT. – YOU HAD TO BE THERE.
– YOU HAD TO BE THERE. – OH, OKAY. – HOW MANY THROATS HAVE YOU
LOOKED AT? – HOW MANY THROATS
HAVE YOU LOOKED AT? – QUITE A FEW. DOES IT–WOULD IT FREAK YOU OUT
IF I ACTUALLY TOUCH YOUR THROAT? – YOU CAN TOUCH MY THROAT.
– TO CHECK IT? – YOU CAN TOUCH MY THROAT. – OKAY, DO YOU MIND
WITH MY HANDS, OR WOULD YOU RATHER ME PUT
A GLOVE ON OR SOMETHING IF IT FREAKS YOU OUT? – TWO GLOVES.
– CAN YOU PUT TWO GLOVES ON? – THAT’S FINE. – DID YOU SEE ME ON
THE SUPER BOWL, BY ANY CHANCE? – DID YOU SEE ME ON THE SUPER
BOWL, BY ANY CHANCE? – NO, I DON’T WATCH
THE SUPER BOWL. – OH, I NAILED IT.
– I NAILED IT. – IT WAS SO GOOD.
– IT WAS SO GOOD. – SO, SO GOOD.
– SO, SO GOOD. – [singing] OH, YEAH, YEAH
– [singing] OH, YEAH, YEAH – OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH
– OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH – ANYWAY.
– ANYWAY. – WHY DID YOU GO
ON THE SUPER BOWL? – WHY DID I GO
ON THE SUPER BOWL? – WHY DID I GO ON THE SUPER
BOWL? – WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON–
WHAT DID YOU DO? – I SANG. – I MEAN, I’M NOT FAMILIAR
WITH IT. – OH, I SANG. – I THOUGHT IT WAS
JUST FOOTBALL. – OH, OKAY.
– YEAH, NO, I DIDN’T PLAY. – NO, I DIDN’T PLAY. – I JUST–I SANG.
– I SANG. – OH, OKAY. – I’M BRUNO MARS.
I DON’T HAVE A FRAGRANCE. YOU DON’T KNOW ME ‘CAUSE I DON’T
HAVE A FRAGRANCE. – I’M BRUNO MARS.
I DON’T HAVE A FRAGRANCE. THAT’S PROBABLY WHY YOU DON’T
KNOW ME. – OH. – YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST? WHEN I GO BEEP, BEEP, BEEP,
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. – YOU KNOW WHAT HURTS THE MOST? IS WHEN I GO BEEP, BEEP, BEEP,
BEEP. – LIKE A TRUCK BACKING UP.
– LIKE, BEEP, BEEP. IT’S LIKE A TRUCK BACKING UP. – BACK UP WHEN YOU DO THAT.
STAND UP AND BACK UP. – IT’S LIKE WHEN I’M GOING
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. – YEAH. [cheers and applause] – AND, ALSO, IT HURTS WHEN I GO,
KA-KA! – IT HURTS WHEN I GO… [caws] [audience laughter] – OKAY, HOW LONG AGO
DID THIS START? – UM, LIKE,
AROUND THE SUPER BOWL TIME. – LIKE,
AROUND THE SUPER BOWL TIME. – JUST SUPER BOWL? – YEAH.
– AFTER THAT. AFTER YOU ATE A CHIP? – YES.
– YES. – HAVE YOU SEEN YOUR DOCTOR
AFTER THAT? – I DON’T HAVE A DOCTOR.
– I DON’T HAVE A DOCTOR. – OKAY. YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO THE DOCTOR
BEFORE? – NOPE.
– NOPE. – START CRYING. – MAYBE IT’S TIME TO…
– [sniffles] – CRY. JUST… – [sniffling] [audience laughter] – OH, IT HURTS SO BAD. – [crying]
IT HURTS SO BAD. – RAMON IS SAD.
RAMON IS SAD. – [crying]
RAMON IS SAD. – I’M SORRY. – OKAY, YOU CAN START
FEELING BETTER NOW. – AH, I FEEL BETTER. – EVERYTHING’S FINE? – [sighs] – [laughs] – YOU DON’T HAVE ANY PAIN? – NO, I’M COMPLETELY FINE. – I’M COMPLETELY FINE.
– IT’S WEIRD. – IT’S WEIRD.
– WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME? WHAT DID YOU DO?
– WHAT DID YOU DO? – NOTHING. – YOU’RE SO GOOD.
– YOU’RE SO GOOD. – YOU’RE SO GOOD.
– YOU’RE SO GOOD. YOU’RE GOOD. YOU…
– YOU ARE GOOD. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. – YOU ARE GOOD. – GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
– GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD. GOOD, GOOD. – YOU ARE GOOD.
– YOU’RE GOOD. – THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
– THANK YOU. – THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
– THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE. – NO PROBLEM.
I’M GLAD YOU’RE FEELING BETTER. – OKAY.
– OKAY. – I’M HERE, ACTUALLY–
YOU KNOW THE SHOW, RIGHT? “THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW”?
– IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE? – YOU KNOW “THE ELLEN DEGENERES
SHOW,” RIGHT? – YEAH.
– YEAH. – YEAH.
– WELL, YOU’RE ON IT RIGHT NOW. – YEAH.
– WELL, YOU’RE ON IT RIGHT NOW. – THERE’S CAMERAS IN HERE.
– THERE’S CAMERAS HERE. HERE, HERE, HERE. – SHE WAS TELLING ME
WHAT TO SAY. – AND SHE WAS TELLING ME
WHAT TO SAY. [laughter] SAY HI TO EVERYBODY
AT HOME. SAY HI TO EVERYBODY AT HOME. YOU GOT TO SAY HI TO EVERYBODY
AT HOME. WASN’T SHE GREAT? – WE’LL BE BACK.

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